Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
