My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
