I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
