DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
