she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
