We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize