how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
