i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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