her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize