dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
