i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
