Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize