from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
