I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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