Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
