If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
