so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
