The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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