when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
