New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
