If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
