If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
