peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
