I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
