just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
