Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
