I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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