i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This baby is an asshole
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
