Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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