I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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