So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
