Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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