My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
