Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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