Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
