Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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