reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
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