That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
