Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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