But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
