Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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