I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
