You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize