my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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