too bad you live with your parents still
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
