How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
