If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
