I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
