you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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