I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
