You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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