You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Holy shit dude........stairs
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