do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
