haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
