drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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