if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
