I'm really into asian looking animals
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
