I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
