Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
