You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize