During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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