After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
