I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
