I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize