And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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