Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
