just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
