I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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