finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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